The Power of Choice Pauses
Jeff’s Situation
A typical weekday morning. It’s 8:15 a.m, and Jeff, the clean-cut corporate city dweller, is running late. He swings open the door of his local Starbucks to complete the final step of his morning routine — a hot cup of Joe.
It’s been a stressful season for Jeff. Well, truthfully, a stressful career overall. Jeff was recently promoted to senior project manager at his advertising firm, which has taken a toll on his work-life balance. Typically, his arrival at Starbucks, and of course the coffee that rushes through his veins, provides the perfect mental and physical jolt to prepare him for another bustling day. But today, there are three people in line in front of him. Jeff audibly sighs and takes out his phone to pass the time before his annoyance becomes obvious.
First in his repertoire of apps to check is Twitter. Nothing but political news, celebrity mutterings, and general outrage today. The scene on Facebook isn’t much better, so he quickly checks his email. With ten threads buzzing, each regarding different clients, Jeff huffs and locks his phone. He repeats this process again — Twitter, Facebook, email. Click. It felt like five minutes had passed but it had only been two. And there are still two people in front of him.
To distract himself, Jeff launches Candy Crush and hopes to get lost in the vivid candy gems. As much as he hates to admit it, this game is his mindless guilty pleasure. He easily surrenders to the dazzling screen and swipes away until he clears a level. In fact, he’s so engrossed that he doesn’t hear the barista chirp “next!” the first time. She shouts a little louder, jolting Jeff back into his weekday reality.
Jeff orders his blonde roast, black, and waits by the bar to manually add a splash of cream and one sugar. It can’t take more than a minute to pour hot coffee into a cup, right? Unfortunately, Jeff is forced to wait again. With a quick scan of the room, occupied by a young child and her mother, business professionals of various ages, and an elderly couple, Jeff returns to his phone. His impatience bubbles in his chest, and he finds it harder to distract himself with Candy Crush.
A tap on the shoulder startles Jeff. He turns around and sees Rob. Rob and Jeff work in the same building, and chat whenever they see each other in the cafeteria. And so, the small talk begins. The weather’s fine, hopefully spring will come soon. My kids are great, thanks for asking. And yours?
Jeff clicks the lock screen button on the iPhone nestled in his pocket. What time is it? Why isn’t my coffee ready? It’s just coffee! Click. Oh, yes, my wife loves SoulCycle too.
“Jack!”
Jeff whips around, anticipating his own order to be called. At this point, chatting with Rob is becoming strenuous. Waiting in line interrupted Jeff’s carefully timed coffee run, and now he’s running late for work. He checks his email and six threads have new messages. Click. When is your kids’ spring break? We’re going to Cacún the third week of March. Click. A text, from Rob’s brother detailing the plans for their mother’s upcoming birthday party. Jeff feels reeled into his phone, wanting to ease the climbing anxiety that his responsibilities, all projected by his phone, produce. Yet, each buzz strengthens his need to escape his digitally reliant life. Click.
Finally, after what seems like an eternity, Jeff’s order is ready. He runs to the bar and adds a splash of cream and the singular packet of sugar and dashes out the door before saying goodbye to Rob.
We Are All Jeff
Although somewhat exaggerated, this quick glimpse into Jeff’s daily life provides insight into how many of us allocate our attention. Whether we like it or not, our phones are extremely addictive and we often find ourselves helpless to the allure of our devices. And social media companies are doing us no favors; it is no coincidence that Instagram, Twitter and Facebook allow for endless scrolling on their feeds. With unlimited opportunities for distraction, many disguised as social opportunities, are we surprised that many of us spend more hours than we’d like staring at our screens? Jeff is no exception, and likely, neither are you nor I.
Using cell phones isn’t inherently bad, of course. We can use them to communicate meaningfully with our friends, relatives, and peers, read books and articles, and learn about the world and those in our own communities. Unfortunately, hours spent reflexively scrolling on our endless Instagram, Twitter, and Facebook feeds ultimately add little of quality to our lives. The result is a significant portion of our day is eaten up by not only mindless, but spiritually draining activities.
To be frank, we are collectively losing our humanity due to the intrusion of modern technology, primarily our cell phones. Our opportunities for genuine, uninterrupted human connection are severely limited due to our addiction to our phones. At best, they provide interactions that could only be called “connections” by a stretch. And even when we are not interacting face-to-face with one another, it is rare to experience true stillness. Our default action in an unoccupied moment is to unlock our phones and dive straight in. This effectively does not allow us to be in the headspace to experience happenstance human connection when it presents itself, which, wonderfully, is always available.
The Side-Effects of Our Cell Phone Use
In my mind, there are four principal ways in which our cell phone use negatively affects our lives. If we are busy doing a concrete task, our phones make it difficult to stay focused. Similarly, our cell phone use has contributed to our collective low attention span. Our phone use has also contributed to our demand for immediacy, which has made us more impatient, rushed, and dissatisfied than ever. Finally, by using our phones during every free moment, we are unable to experience and appreciate the everyday pleasures that make life beautiful. These negative effects can be best described as separate side-effects of excessive cell phone use, however, they most often occur concurrently. For example, when someone uses their cell phone during a movie, they are both distracted from their current task and giving in to their low attention span. For clarity, the negative effects will be described as separate entities, although I agree that these negative effects are both compounded by each other and influenced by each other.
To put it simply, when our cell phones are around, it is generally difficult to be fully present when we are engaged in an activity. Whether this be a social activity, such as dining with friends or family, or a solitary activity, many of us find ourselves repeatedly interrupted by the allure of our cell phones. Although we know it is impolite to check our phones while our friend is telling a story, it’s almost as if we can’t help it most of the time. Overall, our relationships with others and ourselves are suffering due to the way we use our phones.
When I am in a work meeting, I am expected to be listening attentively, taking notes, and asking questions. However, the mere existence of my phone in my work space is a distraction. I often open my lock screen, and check and attend to notifications while in meetings. The only way I could pay full, uninterrupted attention during a meeting is if my phone were out of sight. When I choose to keep my phone present, I miss out on valuable information. Additionally, I may appear distracted to others and present myself poorly. I’m sure many can relate to this situation.
Another issue that has developed from our compulsive phone use is that our collective attention span is suffering. It is indisputable that most of us cannot hold our attention for long enough to stick to whatever we are doing. As both a blessing and a curse, iPhone users have access to Screen Time, which allows users to track their cell phone (and computer) usage through a variety of measures. Last week, I spent an average of 7 hours and 38 minutes on my phone, and I averaged 138 pickups per day. Considering I was awake for approximately 16 hours each day, about 47% of my time awake was spent on my phone, and I picked it up about once every seven minutes! No wonder there seems to be a surge in the desire to be productive: being productive in an insanely distracting world may be seen as demonstrating superior self-discipline.
Personally, I find it extremely difficult for even a great book to hold my attention long enough to finish more than two pages. Lately, I’ve been reading The View From Flyover Country: Dispatches from the Forgotten America, a collection of essays by Sarah Kendzior. This book is right up my alley: not only does it describe a topic I want to learn more about, but each essay is about four pages long. Despite being interested in the book, I feel this compulsive pull to unlock my screen. Frankly, the only way I can read uninterrupted is if I leave my phone in another room. I remember the nights I spent as a middle schooler reading in my bed for hours. Granted, I had a flip phone back then, and who knows how distracted I would have been had I had an iPhone, but the idea of being immersed in a book for hours is nostalgic. I can’t hold myself to that expectation now, but I would like to improve my attention span so I can focus on what is important and inspiring.
In addition to having a laughable attention span, our phones have contributed to our growing level of impatience, converting everyday inconveniences into frustrating delays. Nothing demonstrates our standard for immediate gratification better than the popularity of Amazon Prime. According to Business Insider, 100 million Americans pay for Amazon Prime, which guarantees two-day shipping for millions of items. Not too long ago, one would have expected an online purchase to come between five and seven business days. Now, waiting longer than two days is something many find irritating.
On the flip side, it seems that it is harder to enjoy the anticipation that builds while waiting for something exciting to arrive. Before the new year, I spent hours looking on various websites for the perfect wall calendar. I was tempted to purchase a calendar from Amazon, as its two day delivery was enticing and I found a few calendars I liked. However, I ended up finding a beautiful calendar from a seller on Etsy, and purchased it knowing I’d have to wait at least a week for delivery. During the first few days of waiting, I remained excited for the calendar to arrive, but once the delay extended past the original expected delivery date, I grew irritated and wondered if the purchase itself was worth the wait. My eager anticipation for the arrival of the calendar turned into frustration. Simultaneously, I was judging my feelings of irritation and became angry with myself for my expectation of nearly-immediate delivery. This expectation of immediacy has fed into the culture of excessive consumerism and the idea that our desires must be immediately satisfied, both of these ideas I am starting to question.
Finally, and most importantly, because we spend so much of our down time on our phones, we are not in the mind space to absorb the present moment, which is full of everyday joys. Most of us have been told that we should “live in the present”. However, while not actively busy, our default activity is using our phone. Again, using our phones is not inherently bad, but it is hard to estimate how much of “life” we are missing by distracting ourselves from the present moment. The simple pleasures we often miss out on occur all around us. While I was on my phone at work, I missed Alex high-fiving Drew after he made a basket, and Claire giggling as she knocked down her snow castle. My phone pulls me away from the indescribable joy I feel when watching children play, create, and form relationships with one another, which is what I’m surrounded by forty hours a week.
When was the last time you listened to music without doing anything else? Or left your phone at home while you took a walk around the block? Or even shopped for groceries without checking your phone? Even ordinary tasks or situations have beauty and emotion within them, but we are often too busy to see them fully.
Now, you may be thinking, How can I bring humanity and emotion back into my life by using my phone less? I use it for so many things, it’s essential! I am no expert, but I believe we can regain our sense of humanity through creating moments of consciousness in our everyday life. We can allow ourselves to choose between our empty cell phone use, and the present moment, whatever that may be.
The Power of Choices Pauses
Most of the time, we use our phones reflexively — there is minimal time between the thought to pick up our phone and our hand reaching across the table for it. Between scrolls, we usually do not take a moment to decide whether we want to continue on Facebook or do something else. I propose we create intentional pauses, choice pauses, if you will, throughout our days. Seconds-long moments to actively decide what to do next in order to take back our time and release ourselves from our compulsive phone usage.
How can this be done? I implement the following strategy both before I pick up my phone and while I’ve been using it for any amount of time. First, I take a deep breath and look away from the phone. Then, I say to myself: Right now, you have a choice between using your phone and doing something else. What do you want to do? Most of the time, even if I have nothing else to do, I choose to not use my phone. And if I decide to use my phone in that moment, that is okay. The purpose of a choice pause is to allow yourself the opportunity to make an intentional choice. Once you start pausing to allow yourself to make these choices, it becomes habitual.
Another situation in which a choice pause is beneficial is in the extent to which you react emotionally to your surroundings. When a coworker makes a passive aggressive comment, or someone cuts you off in traffic, you can take a deep breath and ask yourself: Does this situation require my reaction? If it does, what kind of reaction do I want to have? Should I allow myself to be frustrated, angry, or hurt by this? My reaction is my choice. Although this application of a choice pause may be more advanced and require more practice, it is so powerful to exert even a little choice over your emotional reaction.
To illustrate the benefit of implementing choice pauses, let’s reexamine Jeff’s Starbucks experience and see how taking some choice pauses could have allowed him to take more control of his emotions, have enjoyable interactions, and live in the present moment.
We begin with the sigh Jeff lets out upon noticing he had to wait to order his coffee. Right off the bat, Jeff would have benefitted from creating a choice pause. He could have asked himself: Is there anything I can do to control this line? Will my emotional energy be well-spent feeling frustrated right now? Although this sigh is not directly caused by his cell phone use, I would argue that the ease at which he became impatient could be partially attributed to the fast-paced life he lives at the hands of modern technology.
Next, Jeff uses his phone as a means to cope with his impatience. He is instantly sucked into his repertoire of apps: Twitter, Facebook and email. He quickly scans each app and repeats the cycle, spending no more than twenty seconds on each app. With his fleeting attention span, he cannot grip onto any bit of interesting information in any application. And, at no point in time did Jeff allow himself to choose to wait in line without using his phone, or even to pause between apps to decide whether he wanted to continue using his phone. On the flipside, committing his attention to any app, for example, his email, would have required too much mental energy and focus, so he hops onto Candy Crush. Again, before he opened Candy Crush, he could have created a choice pause by breathing deeply, looking away from his phone, and deciding if this course of action would help him calm down as his anxiety began to rise.
His impatience had been gradually building since he stepped into line, and this can be felt both physically and mentally. He is hyper-aware of his posture, and his heart rate is slightly elevated. Internally, his thoughts feel jumbled. This would have been a great time to implement a choice pause. Perhaps he would have chosen to leave his phone in his pocket and absorb the sounds and smells of the coffee shop while waiting to place his order.
Jeff doesn’t even notice the barista call his name. It’s funny to think that he was nearly outraged that he had to wait in line, yet he paid no attention to the flow of the line. This illustrates both our desire for immediate gratification, and our inability to focus our attention on our current task. If Jeff had implemented a choice pause at this moment, perhaps he would have chosen to feel grateful that he had reached the end of the line, instead of feeling the residual tension from waiting. After ordering his coffee, Jeff again feels annoyed having to wait.
When his acquaintance approaches him, he is unable to fully engage in the small talk that ensued. One could think this conversation could help ease the wait, but Jeff is too distracted by his phone that projects his work, social, and familial responsibilities in one convenient place. Jeff could have implemented a choice pause to decide whether to check his phone while talking with Rob, or to ignore it and pay full attention to their conversation. Perhaps he would have enjoyed talking to him, and been happy to exchange a pleasant interaction before beginning his work day. Instead, Jeff is only half-engaged with Rob — he pays enough attention to respond accordingly, but he is not fully present in a physical and mental sense. Physically, he locks and unlocks his lock screen continuously, and mentally, he cannot get his responsibilities out of his thoughts. He simply cannot pay full attention to this conversation.
After falsely hearing his name being called, Jeff is even less capable of talking to Rob. This reaction speaks to our belief that things should come immediately. Maybe if Jeff had not been on such high alert, and had he been more fully immersed in his conversation with Rob, he may not have reacted to another person’s order being called. When his order is finally ready, he walks towards the bar, and later the door to outside with tunnel vision, ready to start his workday. He didn’t allow time to say goodbye to Rob, reflecting his rushed nature. Never mind the fact that he was late to work because he allotted three minutes of wiggle room between this Starbucks outing and his walk to work, a reflection of our expectation of the immediate.
How I use Choice Pauses
Ideally, Jeff would have implemented choice pauses during any or all of those moments. Although it’s clear that allowing himself more choice over his actions and emotions would have benefitted him, how can we implement more choice pauses into our lives? Here I will provide some of the ways I’ve integrated choice pauses into my everyday life and the benefits they have provided me.
First, when my iPhone alarm goes off (you know the sound I’m referring to), I try my best to create a choice pause, which allows me to decide between scrolling through my phone, or simply adjusting my eyes to the light in my room. I usually choose to stare at the ceiling and after a few minutes, opening the blinds to appreciate the morning light. Often, when I choose to use my phone, I spend at least ten minutes checking notifications that have no urgency. This sometimes forces me to rush my morning in order to arrive at work on time. By giving myself the choice, while knowing staying off my phone immediately upon waking up is both more enjoyable and practical, I take back some of the influence my phone holds over me and improve my ability to live in the present moment.
Coming back to reading, I noted that I often struggle maintaining my attention, even while reading an interesting book. By implementing a choice pause the moment I feel the urge to look at my phone, I can ask myself Do I want to interrupt this chapter, page, paragraph, or sentence to look at my phone? Sometimes I do choose to look at my phone, but this takes me away from my book and requires me to refocus when I decide to jump back in. I find that the times I choose to keep reading are more fulfilling, and whatever I wanted to see on my phone was not actually that interesting. Additionally, I’ve found that practicing choice pauses in this situation in particular is very helpful at improving my attention span.
Another time I’ve found it beneficial to implement choice pauses is when I’m watching a TV show, movie, or YouTube video. It’s amazing how many new details you’ll pick up on if you decide to watch without distractions. I’ve picked up the habit (as have many of us) of using Netflix as background noise while scrolling through Twitter and Instagram. When I decide to allocate my full attention to what I’m watching, I notice new jokes and other details I had previously been unaware of. Even when I watch The Office, which I have spent countless hours watching, this occurs.
The benefit of being fully immersed is even greater when I’m listening to music. If I create a choice pause that results in listening to music without my phone, I find so much joy in experiencing the song fully. It often taps into my emotions much more strongly and provides a more vivid, soul-touching experience.
Finally, I make every effort to choose to put my phone away (and not take it out unless I have something brief, specific, and important to use it for) whenever I’m engaged with friends or family. I usually leave it in my purse or jacket pocket. I find that if it’s out of sight, I am much less likely to compulsively pick it up and check my notifications or scroll through social media apps. My relationships are a pillar of my life, and investing in them fully is one of my priorities.
Hopefully learning about how creating choice pauses — the opportunity to actively decide your next course of action — has benefitted both me and fictional Jeff will inspire you to create opportunities to experience of the joys that come from living in the present. Of course, I am no expert in mindfulness, but sharing my experience holds me accountable to myself, and hopefully it inspires others to make more deliberate choices. With practice, creating opportunities for choice will open your eyes to the emotions, both the good and bad, contained within the present moment.
With love,
Eliza
